I just had chicken and waffles for the first time and now I need to go change my panties.
Today, on my walk into work, I had a total of three bees stick themselves to me. Two in my hair and one on my thigh. I’m used to them flying into my hair because I think they’re attracted to the color, but the one on my thigh wouldn’t budge! I finally had to sort of push it off, but I could feel how hard it was sticking onto my pants. Once I got to the front door, I saw like 5 dead bees in the courtyard area. It’s like they were coming to me for safety, singing “save us, Jessica!” I am the Bee Queen.
Moral of the story: Don’t kill bees! We need them to survive! They are friendly cute creatures and also my friends so please don’t swat at them or kill them.
Wasps on the other hand; kill those fuckers.
Omg I just woke up from a dream where I got tattooed and he tattooed gambling dice and butterflies all over my neck and gave me a spiderweb chest piece and then tattooed car brands on the backs of my thighs.
Tidying my room in my undies while wearing my new heels to stretch them out for a wedding on Saturday. I feel like a sexy house wife.
My boyfriend and I were talking about marriage and I had to tell him that if he proposes to not put a ring in my food because I will definitely consume it and most likely ruin the moment.
College: A Haiku
Fuck this assignment
Time to sleep, wake up at six
Who am I kidding
I’d be perfectly happy being a housewife. My duties would be making myself look pretty, cleaning the house in heels, tending to my lush garden, cooking delicious foods and desserts, and providing beer and blowjobs upon his arrival home.
Cum in eye = going out for apologetic tri tip sandwiches and beer.