Slow like Honey

I just had chicken and waffles for the first time and now I need to go change my panties.

1 day ago with 8 notes

Buzzzzzz

Today, on my walk into work, I had a total of three bees stick themselves to me. Two in my hair and one on my thigh. I’m used to them flying into my hair because I think they’re attracted to the color, but the one on my thigh wouldn’t budge! I finally had to sort of push it off, but I could feel how hard it was sticking onto my pants. Once I got to the front door, I saw like 5 dead bees in the courtyard area. It’s like they were coming to me for safety, singing “save us, Jessica!” I am the Bee Queen.

Moral of the story: Don’t kill bees! We need them to survive! They are friendly cute creatures and also my friends so please don’t swat at them or kill them. 

Wasps on the other hand; kill those fuckers. 

2 days ago with 7 notes

Omg I just woke up from a dream where I got tattooed and he tattooed gambling dice and butterflies all over my neck and gave me a spiderweb chest piece and then tattooed car brands on the backs of my thighs.

3 days ago with 9 notes

Tidying my room in my undies while wearing my new heels to stretch them out for a wedding on Saturday. I feel like a sexy house wife. 

3 days ago with 17 notes

My boyfriend and I were talking about marriage and I had to tell him that if he proposes to not put a ring in my food because I will definitely consume it and most likely ruin the moment. 

4 days ago with 14 notes

College: A Haiku

Fuck this assignment

Time to sleep, wake up at six

Who am I kidding

5 days ago with 11 notes

I’d be perfectly happy being a housewife. My duties would be making myself look pretty, cleaning the house in heels, tending to my lush garden, cooking delicious foods and desserts, and providing beer and blowjobs upon his arrival home. 

1 week ago with 42 notes

Cum in eye = going out for apologetic tri tip sandwiches and beer.

1 week ago with 20 notes